Ultrarunner song

I’m an Ultrarunner

As sung at the BS Pew Awards – January 2011.

[FORREST:]

“This is no good, I can’t continue doing this, what’s the point of recounting these ridiculous stories and half truths. No, I have to stop! I have to stop because what I really want ……………… what I really want is ………… I want to be… an ultra runner!

Leaping from race to race, as I float down the endless highways of North America. The Giant Stonecat. The Leatherman.  Branford Road race! The mighty Bimbler’s Bluff! Lofty Holiday Lake! The plucky little Bash! The limping undulations of Vermont100. The towering battle of Iroquoi! A Maiden attempt at Foxcatcher! The naughty snores of Promise Land! The flatulent Steamtown Marathon! The Quintessential Quotes of a Beavair Full Moon! And 146 to Guilford Green!

With my bimbling buddies by my side, we’d sing! …… Sing! ……..Sing!

[FORREST:]
I’m an ultra runner, and I’m okay.
I sleep all night and I run all day.
{arise buddies to provide the chorus [to the tune of Monty Python I’m a Lumber Jack]}
[BUDDIES:]
He’s an ultra runner, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he runs all day.

[FORREST:]
I run round trees. I take side trails.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I run roads
And have buttered scones for tea.

[BUDDIES:]
He runs around trees. He takes side trails.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he runs roads
And has buttered scones for tea.

He’s an ultra runner, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he runs all day.

[FORREST:]
I run around trees. I trip and jump.
To impress the pretty wild flowers.
I put on wicking clothing
And hang around at Tommy’s.

[BUDDIES:]
He runs around trees. He trips and jumps.
To impress the pretty wild flowers.
He puts on wicking clothing
And hangs around at Tommy’s?!

He’s an ultra runner, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he runs all day.

[FORREST:]
I run around trees. I wear Vi-brams,
And a Camelbak like a bra.
I wish I had girlie gaiters,
Just like my dear Papa.

[BUDDIES:]
He runs around trees. He wears Vi-brams,
And a Camelbak like a bra?!

What’s this? Wants girlie gaiters?! Oh, My!
And we thought you were so rugged! …

He’s an ultra runner, and he’s okay.
He sleeps all night and he runs all day.

He’s an ultra runner, and he’s okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he runs all day.

To see the movie, click here

Footnote: The Pews are an annual ceremony to recognize literary contributions to the BS web site over the past year and for other acts worthy of notoriety!